Pre-Wedding Bug...

Bleh. I don't like feeling sick. It's not bad-sick...just a nagging cold. It all started the night of graduation when I got this amazing peach soda at Red Robin. I really, really liked it and was excited for my mom to try it as well. I neglected the fact that my mom had a cold and offered my straw (I mean, I had just graduated college. I was invincible, right? Hehehe.) Well, it turns out I wasn't. Invincible, that is. I got the cold sometime last week and now my voice is on the fritz. For the first time in my life I'm actually worrying about when it will come back. It would be so sad if I had to whisper my vows in 3 1/2 weeks! I'm also trying really hard to regain the 10 lbs. that mysteriously melted away over the course of spring semester. Of course...this is being hindered by the fact that all this drainage is making me sick to my stomach and taking away my appetite. Bleh.

A Trustworthy God

Over the past few weeks, God has been placing people and circumstances in my life that have been teaching me a lot about trusting Him to provide the right things at the right times. The most recent example of this, of course, has to do with graduating from college. In this first week of "adulthood" I have been stressed out, burdened down, and altogether a worrying mess about how I'm going to find a job, how Jesse and I are going to make it on our own, etc. Some of these fears, I have felt, were well-grounded, others not so much. Regardless of the roots of these fears, one piece of advice has arisen in every conversation I have had about them. "Trust God, and wait on His perfect timing."

It was honestly (and sadly) ridiculously difficult for me to do this, and I had to spend a lot of heart-felt prayer time asking God to help me trust...which seems kind of silly if you think about it (I know academically that He is totally trustworthy, but I still need help living out any sort of belief in that?). Regardless, He was faithful, and helped me to open up to my parents about how afraid I was about upcoming life...which was a big deal...because I don't generally tell people about the things that I worry about. It turns out, parents can be an amazing support system, and sometimes just having them there and knowing that they know you're afraid actually sets them up to give you the courage to press on. So side lesson: parents can be a much bigger blessing than we often realize (and they don't think you're dumb for wondering how you're going to make it!!!).

Anyway, I side-tracked. What I wanted to say was that after all this learning to actually trust God business (and not just saying it), He very faithfully provided for us! In the rough-cut budget we had worked out, there was a specific amount short that we were falling on our monthly allowances, and I was really worried about this. God was so amazing as to bless me with a housekeeping position that will work around any potential future nursing positions for that exact amount! I was basically floored. And then just to put the cherry on top, I had another offer to do some work for someone too. As if He hadn't already blessed us enough! Sometimes I think God just likes to amaze us and then sit back and laugh because He knew He was capable all along. (sigh) Sometimes I'm amazed at just how small the capacity of this human mind is... :o)

Resolutions for a 22nd Year

Wow, 22...can you believe it?! I think this is the first birthday that sounded really adult-like to me. 21 just sounds like the typical crazy college kid age, but 22 just seems...not old!...um...more mature?

I can never think of resolutions on New Year's, but February 3rd's close enough that I think a new year of my life counts just as much. So here goes:

1. Learn to love people. I'm sick of living passively day-by-day. I want to invest in someone, even if it hurts. I want to have a relationship real enough that I can feel another's burdens and also have my heart dance in their joy. I've never done that before.

2. Practice the art of seriously studying the Word of God. I want to know Him intimately and have Him shape and mold every aspect of my tiny existence. I want my life apart from Him to be nothing, and to know that I could never live without Him.

3. Lastly, I just really. really want to marry the man of my dreams this year. I love him so much.

Well, there you have it. They're not all specific goals, but they are pointed enough so that I will know for sure if I am growing in them. Hopefully, I will remember to update this a little more frequently so that you know how things are going in these regards. Here's to the upcoming year!

Joy Comes in the Morning

Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Let every breath proclaim blessing to Jesus' name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Don't let yourself forget all of His benefits.
Though we are sinful, He heals our disease.
When we are captive, He sets us free.

And weeping may last for the night, joy comes in the morning.
With mercy the Giver of Life remembers His children.
And God makes and takes our transgressions as far as the east from the west.
All that He does is blessed,
O, bless the Lord!

Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Your days are fading fast, only His fame will last.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
His love will never end, trust your unfailing Friend.
Though we are sinful, He heals our disease.
When we are captive, He sets us free.

And weeping may last for the night, joy comes in the morning
With mercy the Giver of Life remembers his children.
And God makes and takes our transgressions as far as the east from the west.
All that He does is blessed,
O, Bless the Lord!

And weeping may last for the night, joy comes in the morning.
With mercy the Giver of Life remembers His children.
And God makes and takes our transgressions as far as the east from the west.
All that He does is blessed,
O, Bless the Lord!

**Lyrics to O, Bless the Lord (by Harvest Bible Chapel)

A Choice Worth Making

As I read 1 Peter 1:13-25 today, I began to think about the magnitude of impact that our faith really carries with it. Before salvation, we were hideous, treacherous villains who deserved nothing more than death and eternal separation from God. We were slaves to our sinful and fallen natures, and completely out of control of our own desires (which ironically enough, was the complete opposite of what we were led to believe). But when the God of the universe came to Earth in the form of a tiny baby who would eventually sacrifice Himself for our redemption, we were finally able to grasp the heavenly promise that had existed from the beginning. If we choose to surrender our lives to Him, contrary to popular opinion, we find a freedom that is beyond our wildest imagination. It is the freedom to live for the purpose for which we were originally created, the freedom to embody all that it truly means to be a real human. It is the freedom to stand in awe of the beauty and holiness of God, and to see Him for the wonderful, perfect God that He really is. Although submission to Christ leads to a life that begs questioning and skepticism from the world, and although the path can be painful, it will always be worth it. Daily refining for the purpose of reaching our full potential in Christ is a small price to pay for the riches and satisfaction that it will bring, both along the way, and once we reach heaven. Definitely a choice worth making!

A New Perspective

I realized something about myself today. I was busy day-dreaming about what our life will be like next year at this time, and it hit me...I've been so busy dreaming up everything that I want in marriage that I've gotten distracted from the one thing that truly matters...namely, whether or not God is honored by it. You see...it really couldn't matter less what color our curtains are or where we get to go on vacation or even whether or not he'll like my cooking. I mean, it does, but not when you compare it to whether or not we're allowing God to work through us to minister to a lost world. And it's not even something that needs to wait until we're married. Even now, we need to be conscious of how each detail of our relationship reflects on God, because we do claim to follow Him. It only makes sense then, that we would want to work (through His grace) to reflect the wonder, the boundless love, and the purity that Jesus shows to His bride, the church.

And so with this new perspective, I am praying that God will keep me grounded and help me to stay focused on the things that truly matter most. I really do desire for people to be able to look at our relationship and be pointed to the cross. Any prayers that you feel led to offer on our behalf in this area would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to invest in us!

My Turning Point

"Here, Lord, I abandon myself to thee. I have tried in every way I could think of to manage myself, and to make myself what I know I ought to be, but have always failed. Now I give it up to thee. Do thou take entire possession of me. Work in me all the good pleasure of thy will. Mold and fashion me into such a vessel as seemeth good to thee. I leave myself in thy hands, and I believe thou wilt, according to thy promise, make me into a vessel unto thy own honor, 'sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.'"

~Hannah Whitall Smith